The readings this week gave some great insights about relationships with your in-laws when you get married. I really liked how it talked about learning to live on your own and not relying on your parents anymore. It’s important to be able to solve problems, learn how to balance finances, and to live in your own space away from anyone that could create a wedge in your relationship. I thought this tied well with what we learned earlier in the semester about turning towards one another. Instead of calling your parents when you’re in an argument to vent about the issue, learn to speak with your spouse and use healthy communication techniques. This will help you to turn towards one another and help you grow closer together. None of this has to do with the spouse not liking their in-laws, it’s just good to have your own space and growing together as a couple.

Another thing that I liked was that it talked about not letting your family get involved with your relationship. In a perfect world, families would be respectful of the decisions you make and only give their opinion on things if they are asked. The parents should trust that they raised their children the right way and that they will make the best choices for their marriage and future family.

My wife and I have always talked about what it would be like to not live close to any family at all. Right now, we live within 20 minutes of my family. It’s nice in a lot of ways, but sometimes we can have a hard time being around each other all the time. It would be hard for me to be far away from family, but at the same time it would be nice for my wife and I have to rely on one another even more. Also, if we were apart for a longer period of time, we could all get along better. I’ve always been torn on this topic.

Have any of you ever lived far from either of your families when you’re married? What are some things that you learned from doing so?

Growing up, my family would do family council every week at family home evening. We would talk about upcoming events, what sports games were happening, and what’s going on in each others life. I think it was very beneficial for all of us to be on the same page, help problem solve, and support each other when needed. I thought it was a great thing that my parents implemented in our family, but some of my siblings fought anything with the church or family. Now that we are older, things are a lot better, but they definitely made it hard to be able to enjoy activities when they acted that way. What are some things you would do as a parent if your children acted that way towards church things?

I loved that talk by Elder Eyring. He really emphasized the importance of marriage, eternal families, and teaching your children the gospel of Jesus Christ. I think that we become one in marriage by praying together, reading scriptures as a family, attending church together, and supporting each other in all aspects of life. If a husband and wife can do those things together and become one with God, they can withstand all the trials, temptations, and hard times that come in life. What are some things that have helped you in your marriage to overcome trials? Or if not married, what have you done to overcome trials in your life?

Hi everyone! I have a lot of different impressions from this week’s readings. The first thing that comes to mind with fidelity is avoiding the appearance of evil and not putting yourself in the position where things could escalate with a person other than your spouse. The example that comes to mind was a story that my father told me. For 35 years he would take a 45 minute bus ride to work 5 days a week. He would walk to the bus stop in the nearing neighborhood there and back every time. Since he was at a desk all day, he used this as his exercise. For years, a lady that he worked with would ask him if he wanted a ride back home since she lived right next door to him. He would tell her every time, “thanks, but I will walk.” Nothing would’ve happened because my dad is very loyal to my mom and his family, but he didn’t ever want to put himself in a situation where things could get misconstrued by her or my mom. I want to apply that in my own marriage.  Being loyal to your spouse is more than being faithful in a physical sense. It’s emotionally and spiritually as well. We are loyal by the things we say, what we put into our minds, what we do when our spouse isn’t around, and being truthful in our words and deeds. For me, personally, I try not to listen to music, or watch movies that will take my mind off of my marriage and let Satan control me. I never want to get to a point where I question my marriage and the beautiful relationship that I have. What are some things that you can do in your marriage or relationships to not let Satan creep in and put bad thoughts in your head?

Hi everyone! This week’s readings made me think a lot about my life and my own marriage. My wife and I have been married for two years and we dated for a year and a half before that. We don’t love the same exact things. I love playing sports, hiking, and being outside. She loves watching movies, playing games, and spending time with family. We don’t share the exact same passions but that’s okay. We will do things that the other person likes to do because it shows the other that we are willing to get out of our comfort zone and do something different. Since we have done that, our viewpoints have changed. She has started to like camping, hiking, and occasionally playing sports with me. I will play more games and watch the TV shows that she likes. This wouldn’t have happened if we were both stubborn and stuck in our daily routines.

Besides us being attracted to each other when we first started dating, there was a way bigger connection than that. We talked about our dreams, goals, views on life, family, things we struggle with, and things we want to achieve in life. What connected us was as a much larger purpose. We both want to have a family, we want to help people around us, we are willing to learn, and we want to live the gospel and do the right thing. We have set goals that we want to reach together both financially, spiritually, and in life. We want to help push each other towards those goals and achieve a lot as a couple.

There was a quote from Gottman’s Seven Principles book that went perfectly with this. It said, “The goal shouldn’t be to agree on every aspect of what is profoundly meaningful to you, but to have a marriage where you are both open to each other’s most dearly held beliefs. The more you create a marriage where these convictions can be readily divulged, the more joyous will be the journey through life that you share.”

How do we work on our convictions in our marriage to help us on our journey together in life?

I saw a sign recently that said,

“3 ways to fail at everything in life: 

1. Complain about everything

2. Blame others for your problems

3. Never be grateful”

What I learned from this is in order for our marriage to be successful we should have a positive attitude, look at inward and see ways you can improve, and find things that you are grateful for every day. My marriage isn’t perfect, but I know that these things can help. I’m grateful for my wife and things that she’s taught me. I’m excited to learn and grow together on our journey in life.

What are some ways you think you can grown in your conviction of your own marriage or relationship?

Whenever my siblings and I would get into a fight one of us would always say, “He made me so mad!” My mom would respond saying, “Nobody can make you do anything.” That has always stuck with me. In any aspect of life; whether it’s an argument, a stressful situation, or a trial, it’s not what’s happening that determines how things go, but it’s how we respond to it. Nobody can “make you” yell, be upset, argue, call names, or do something that you would regret later. 

What are some ways that you can control your anger and not let what’s happening around you effect your relationship? In D&C 121: 41-42. we are taught to lead our families by “persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness, kindness, and meekness, and by love unfeigned.” Controlling your anger and not letting things get to you doesn’t happen overnight. It takes patience and working together as a team to make a marriage run smooth without any contention. When there is contention in a marriage, the spirit is not able to be present. It doesn’t mean that there will never be times of contention, but we should try and limit them as much as possible. We need to remember that nobody is perfect and we will make mistakes.

There was a quote from  President Brigham Young that I really like that says, “Every calamity that can come upon mortal beings will be suffered to come upon the few, to prepare them to enjoy the presence of the Lord. Every trial and experience you have passed through is necessary for your salvation.” This quote really put things into perspective for me that the problems that come in our marriages and in life help prepare us for Eternal Life. If you’re in a situation with your spouse that you’re in a disagreement or you’re not getting along, remember these promises from the Lord and push through them. He isn’t going to “make you” be positive, do nice things for your spouse, talk nicely, or use the atonement in your marriage. The whole point in this life is to be with our families, learn about the atonement of Jesus Christ, become more like Him, and prepare to return to our Heavenly Father. If you and your spouse work through your problems with Heavenly Father’s help, your marriage will be far better off.

What are some things that you have done in your family or your own marriage that have helped resolve arguments, fights, or disagreements?

Have you ever had a disagreement with someone and you won’t stop until you prove your point or the other person knows that you are right? I’ll admit I can be like this at times. We all can be prideful in our lives. When you think of someone who is prideful, what are some things that come to mind? Some things I thought of were, someone who is self-absorbed, can’t admit they’re wrong, and feels like they are perfect.  In a marriage, if one person or both are prideful, it can have very negative effects on the relationship.

Nobody is perfect. We are all human and make mistakes.  In Alma chapter  5, Alma is going around to different villages and talking about how we can improve and be ready for eternal life. He says we must have a change of heart, exercise our faith in God, keep the commandments, be cleansed from the world, be humble, and strip ourselves of pride. That’s the whole purpose of the atonement is to improve and be better.

Do you ever criticize your spouse for what they do or don’t do? Have you ever felt content with how your marriage is? Have you ever not wanted to compromise so that both of you are happy? These are all signs of pride and we all have been guilty of these in one way or another throughout our lives.  If we use what Alma taught while he was prophet and apply it in our personal lives and in our marriages, we will be far better off.

I learned from this lesson that there is always room for improvements in my life. I can always be a better person and a better husband. In order to make the changes in my life to get rid of personal pride I need to ask Heavenly Father for help, recognize my weaknesses, be humble, and show in my actions, words, and deeds that I am trying to be better. If we do this, I know that God will bless our marriage and our individual lives.

What are some things that you can do to recognize pride in your life?

My dad used to always say to us, “ask not what your mom can do for you, but what you can do for her.” I would always roll my eyes at that because he said it so much.  I think of my dad as a wise master Yoda because he would have so many sayings that would make you think or put into perspective. I have learned to apply what I have learned in my life and use it in my marriage. Since that is ingrained in my brain, I try to look for ways to do things to help my wife. It doesn’t even have to be big things. Little things like putting away clean laundry, picking up a room, rubbing her back, or telling her how grateful I am for her, make a huge difference in a marriage. I’m not perfect about doing this all the time, but when I do, we grow closer together. It’s the same when she does things for me.

Another thing that shows your spouse how much you care is by not only acknowledging the things that they do, but the things that they say. If one of you is having a rough day or feeling off, let your partner know so they can help you get through it. I have learned to lean on my wife for love, support, advice, and basically everything in my life.  One of my wife’s best friends just had a break-up with her boyfriend. We went to lunch with her today and she talked about how he didn’t prioritize her or communicate with her very well and he didn’t even think there was a problem. They would only see each other for an hour or so a day in between work and homework. When they were together he would be on his phone and he wouldn’t even sit by her. It didn’t seem like a healthy relationship. As we were talking with her about it today, she realized that it wasn’t going to work in the long run. Not that she didn’t want it to, but because he wasn’t putting in the effort of being in a relationship. If he would’ve done those little things I talked about earlier, it would’ve made the world of a difference in how things went. We all deserve someone who is going to put us first, understand everything we are going through, and make time for us every day.

If you were ever in that situation in your own marriage/relationship, how would you convey how you feel without hurting the persons feelings and helping them make the necessary changes for a happy relationship?

I learned so much from this weeks reading. The one that really stood out to me was, “Lamentation” by Arta Romney Ballif. It talks about how Adam and Eve were a great example to us of a marriage.  To me, from reading this, I realized not even the very first couple had an easy marriage. I found it interesting that they mentioned that the importance of marriage and the purpose of life are intertwined and of the same. Adam and Eve weren’t perfect, they made mistakes, but in the end, they love Heavenly Father, they wanted to obey him, and they wanted to progress. My interpretation of it was that the hard times help us grow and help us appreciate the good times. Adam and Eve probably had tough times and trials, but I don’t think it was nearly as hard to have a happy marriage then as it in today’s world. Satan is working harder than ever to destroy the family unit. One way he does this is by putting thoughts in our mind that make us criticize our companion and make  us question whether we married the right person. A quote that I loved in the reading said:

“Don’t try to make him into what you want him to be. You fell in love with what he is. He will still grow. But you’ll learn from experience to trust what he does rather than jumping to
negative conclusions when you don’t understand something.”

Instead of criticizing, we need to be thinking of the good times, and amazing qualities of our spouse. We need to lift one another up instead of tearing each other down. 

Another thing that makes a marriage work is sacrifice. When I started dating my wife, I was a very social person. I would always be with friends, playing sports, and going to events. My priorities began to change. It’s not that I still didn’t hang out with my friends or go do fun things, but I would rather spend my time being with her than going to do those other things. To me, it wasn’t a sacrifice. It was something that I wanted. But to my wife, she is grateful that I was willing to give up doing those things as often so I could be with her.

What are some things that you gave up when you got married? Or what are some things that you can give up now to make your marriage better?

Marriage isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. There will be bad days where you don’t get along, you may disagree on things, and there might be stressful situations where you don’t want to speak to one another. One of my favorite quotes about marriage is from Elder Lynn G. Robbins. It says, “A happy and successful marriage depends on two good forgivers.” When negative interactions occur, it’s important to be able to apologize, forgive, and forget. No relationship is perfect. You must continue to develop your friendship with your spouse. In the book, “The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work” by John M. Gottman, he makes some great points about friendship in marriage.  He talks about how we need to do more than just “get along”.  Spouses should put each other first, spend quality time together, push each other towards their dreams, get rid of pride, resolve problems, and have positive interactions with one another. 

When Gottman talked about getting rid of pride it reminded me of the scripture Mosiah 3:19. It talks about how the natural man is an enemy to God and in order for us to put off that natural man, there are things that we must do. We should use the Atonement of Jesus Christ, be humble, love those around us, and be willing to change. I feel that that is a lot of the problem in today’s world and why divorce rates are so high. If we aren’t willing to become better and work through our problems, our marriages won’t last long. If we are willing to align our marriage to the will of our Heavenly Father, make the gospel the center of our home, and put each other first there is nothing that can break our marriage apart. Of course there will be bumps in the road, but God will help us if we do those things. 

The most important thing that I feel we can do in our relationships is to have to fun together. I know it sounds cheesy and cliche, but I am grateful that I am married to my best friend. If one of us is having a bad day the other is always there to lift the other up. We try not to take things so seriously, we laugh, we put each other first, and we try to do fun things together. She makes me want to be a better person.  I definitely got lucky and I thank Heavenly Father every day for having her in my life.

What are some things that your grateful for in your spouse/future spouse? Also, what are some things that you learned this week that could be beneficial in your marriage or relationships?